AGONY UNCLE: Is my friend over-’sharenting’?
Dear Uncle Tim,
I have a long-time friend who puts photos of her kids on social media A LOT. I often "like" the photos because I feel obliged to, but deep down I really think she is overdoing it. There are only so many cute moments one can handle seeing in their social media feed every day and her kids aren't old enough to know what's going on.
I am seriously considering bringing up the subject of over "sharenting" at some stage but am scared she will take offence and that will be the end of our friendship. I realise a lot of this sharenting goes on but it's driving me nuts.
- Social Media Pariah, Yamba
Dear Social Media Pariah,
As someone without kids, I can speak with some authority - and consider myself a bit of an expert - on understanding how boring looking at photos and videos of someone else's children can be.
Oh how I yearn for a simpler time, when photos were so expensive and so inconvenient to develop you only ever saw a couple at Christmas.
Nowadays you can spend minutes on end scrolling through a shot by shot account of how daddy and mummy's little princess painted a self- portrait which looked more Jackson Pollock than Rembrandt.
Your gut instinct is correct, she is definitely overdoing it.
Live-blogging a child's life is not only tedious for those who feel they might have to keep up social media appearances, it is downright scary.
One of the latest trends is filming the reaction of kids when they get their report card and I must admit at first I thought this might be some sharenting I could get in to.
The devil in me imagined watching a child slowly realise their dream of becoming a paediatrician was over sounded like a fun departure from a video of a child licking a brick.
But before you jump online, I can assure you it is not.
Critically, by sharing so much information from such an early age we are taking away our children's right to "opt out" of a technological existence.
Maybe they didn't want to have a Facebook because they are more of a TikTok fan.
Just maybe they will grow up to be the type of militant luddite made famous by the Unabomber, Theodore Kaczynski. And who are we to deny them that?
Critically though, this type of sharenting is inadvertently hastening the enslavement of the human race by robots. Think of all the inane posts as feeding an ever-growing robot brain, which will eventually be used against us.
Those who have seen the documentary Terminator 2: Judgement Day will know, sooner or later, humans will have to fight to save our race and when that time comes, you will want our overlords knowing as little about you and your kids as possible.
So for the future of humanity, stop sharing, stop liking and stop feeding the beast. It's time to go back to letting our friendships with other parents break down naturally.