In defence of the full bush
Hair removal is kind of a big deal. The average woman spends more $14,000 on shaving products, a full 72 days denuding their legs and an entire month tweezing their eyebrows in the course of her lifetime.
We can all agree, that's some serious time and money.
But choose to forgo some of the depilations and women are often mocked and belittled, declared to be unladylike and generally unsexy.
It's a bristled barb to be sure as it highlights yet another hypocrisy when it comes to the whole men and women shebang.
A grey-haired fellow looks dignified, a silver-haired lady feels obliged to make an appointment with her salon.
A bloke can plait his shoulder hair whereas woe betide a woman who neglects her pits beyond stubble. You can see the double standards here right?
So here's the thing: Do whatever the hell you want to do. No man has the right to have an opinion on how you look and what's growing from your body.
That's the boilerplate agreement underpinning this entire article and it's not mansplaining if I'm talking to the men reading this.
You'd think that would be a no-brainer right? But just wait until the comments section starts to fill up with words like "gross" and "disgusting" from keyboard warriors who use their downtime - by which I mean moments of flaccidity - to rail against the female body as biology intended.
Men who believe there are certain ways women should - in their beloved phrase - present themselves.
It's all as predictable as a city PM's outfit on a visit to the bush.
Speaking of, I'd be lying if I said we didn't all have our preferences. Whether or not you cater to them is a matter for you to decide alongside your personal preferences.
Here's mine: I'm not into Brazilians. I mean the waxes, the people are lovely.
To borrow a phrase from the cricketing world, I like a bit of grass on the wicket, a pubic green top if you will. Not into sport metaphors? How about a bit of thatch on the cottage? A flokati over a floorboard. I'll stop now.
For me, the whole bald thing has a prepubescent vibe that verges on the uncomfortable.
Like I say, that's just me - there are many who feel otherwise. Different strokes (of the blade) for different folks.
I do know that I'm not alone.
Australians are, according to number crunchers Pornhub, the ninth most voracious consumers of pornography in the world and right up there in terms of categories viewed as "hairy".
Not defending the exploitative aspects of porn in any way here, but rather pointing to the fact that a significant number of viewers of all persuasions get off on seeing bodies in their natural state. That's pubes and pits if you don't follow.
I'm not a woman or transgender person who has ever felt the follicular oppression that comes with the "feminine = smooth" decree. But I can only guess it's quite the chore.
What with all the plucking, shaving, threading, shaving, waxing or lasering (the last of which is admittedly permanent).
Of course, if it feels good for you and is your preference, by all means.
I, for one, would have no problem if my partner chucked in depilation wholesale for a month each year. Or two. Or six.
But then again, and rightly so, it's not like I have any say in the matter.