OPINION: This is for all those people who have nothing organised.
Those people who forgot about Valentine's Day and how much it means to their partner or crush.
It's for those people for whom February 14 is just another day or just another excuse for businesses to hear their cash registers go cha-ching.
And let's face it; for all those people, you're lucky to even have a partner or crush. Really.
But being a hopeless lover does have some benefits, including low expectations and an allowance that you dish out sub-standard performances on a regular basis.
So let's cut to the chase. First dinner option tonight is McDonalds.
It's an oldie but a goodie, and a place with a car park that you probably had your first pash at. Ah, the memories.
Second dinner option is a pub or club, preferably one that does a $10-$15 steak. Another great choice, somewhere your wife is probably half expecting, too.
With food sorted, let's look at what options are available to you gift-wise.
Chances are you won't make the jewellery store now, and you already have to pay for dinner so that's a cost you can do without.
A couple of the petrol stations in town sell flowers and chocolate bars.
In the event they're sold out, the council does plant flowers in some roundabouts, but be careful.
If all else fails, what you need to do is find a piece of paper and write your lover a heartfelt letter.
That option we will call Mr Reliable, because it's always there.
Okay, now we arrive at the all-important after dinner plans. The icing on any Valentine's Day cake.
This is where success or failure matters, so don't stuff it up.
Take your partner home, pick some music. Something Barry White will send a certain message.
Take your partner in your arms, tell them you love them.
That you're sorry you're a hopeless lover and you promise you'll do better next year.
That Valentine's Day is about being together, that that's the important thing.
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