DAVE Hughes left Australia's A-list with their heads in their hands during his opening monologue of the 59th Annual TV Week Logie Awards - skewering everything from Karl Stefanovic's split and Channel 7 boss Tim Worner's scandal to Grant Denyer's car crash.
"Lisa Wilkinson has never been nominated for a Gold Logie. That's ridiculous, isn't it? Karl has already won one, so he doesn't need any more attention, do you, Karl?" Hughes quipped as Stefanovic braced himself in his chair.
"No, I'm not going to give it to Karl. If I do, Ita Buttrose will bash me. Ita said on Channel Ten, 'Leave Karl alone!' I agree, you know. Karl, the paparazzi followed him to America. That made me angry. I can't get them to follow me down the street.
"I could walk down Bourke Street with four hookers and a wheelbarrow of drugs and they wouldn't follow me."
While the Today host's recent split from wife Cassandra Thornbun was expected material for Hughes, fans were unsure if the comedian would touch more controversial topics like Seven CEO Tim Worner's recent ordeal. But it wasn't off limits for Hughes - sneaking a jab at the end of a joke that started with star of The Wrong Girl and Love Child Jessica Marais.
"She is up for two shows. She is up for Channel Nine's Love Child and Channel Seven's The Wrong Girl. Oh, Channel Ten, sorry. No, sorry. Channel Ten, sorry. Channel Seven were working on a pilot of The Wrong Girl, that was starring their CEO Tim Worner, and ... That was more a reality show," he said as the crowd gasped.
"He picked the wrong girl to mess with. It was going really well, but they thought it was too expensive and they tried to cancel it. I've never worked on Channel Seven and I probably never will!"
Family Feud host Grant Denyer also got a mention. The Gold Logie nominee recently survived a near-fatal race car crash.
"He's still an adrenaline junkie, isn't he? He is racing car driver. About a month ago, he crashed his car into a tree at 160km/h. The only thing that saved him was the seven pillows he was sitting on," Hughes said. "And the booster seat.
"No, Grant took the piss out of me on Family Feud a month ago and survey says pay back is a bitch, Grant."
While the major commercial networks copped flak for their persistent rolling coverage of Cyclone Debbie and the devastation it caused in North Queensland, Hughes took issue with it for a different reason.
"I don't know if it was windy enough," he quipped. "I mean, there was a lot of reporters outside going, 'It's windy!' I'm thinking, 'Go inside then, if it's windy! The trees are OK'.
"The most harrowing footage I saw was a shopping trolley wheeling across a car park. I reckon it was downhill and I think maybe the cameraman pushed it.
"If you are going to have 24/7 coverage for about four days, I want to see a cow flying across a canefield. Even if Kochie has to shoot the Cash Cow out of a cannon to make it happen."
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