Has the world gone mad? Or did I accidentally have a microsleep and wake up in a parallel universe where everything is the opposite of what it should be?
Where people walk around on their hands instead of their feet and guys like Sean get dumped while rats like Anthony get the girl?
Because really that's the only explanation I'll accept for how this radical injustice could have just happened and let it be known, Married At First Sight: I'm not just heartbroken. I'm furious.
Why is it that the nice guys finished last?
Now, before I pen a stern letter to Channel Nine, peppered with phrases in giant capital letters and an offensive amount of exclamation marks to really make my point, let's take a look back over the two relationships which defy logic to figure out how this TV car crash could have happened.
First, let's go back to when we first met the hero in this love story: Sean, the cowboy with a crooked grin and a heart of gold, who meets Susan at the altar, sparks fly and the barn dance romance is jumping.
Compare that to when uptight race-caller Anthony meets stunning flight attendant Nadia at the altar, leans in to kiss her and she trusts her spot-on instincts and refuses to kiss him.
As we would come to expect from this 'groom', Anthony would get his own back by publicly shaming Nadia for being "frigid" ... just as Sean, on the other hand, was smoking up the screen telling Susan she's his perfect woman, he's in awe of her beauty and he couldn't want for anything more. Swoon.
But just as he's building his bride up, Anthony was tearing his down, complaining the glamorous part-time model Nadia was boob-less and lacked direction.
Urgh. Just what the world needs, another man telling a woman how to live her life.
So back to nice guy Sean, who takes Susan away for a romantic weekend away in the Hunter Valley, complete with a bath full of rose petals and a hot-air balloon ride, during which they spend so much time making doe-eyes at each other it's unlikely they saw any of the view.
As if telepathic she's been stiffed on her dinner date, Nadia finally return serves when Anthony instructs her their relationship can't continue unless she moves states, jobs, her life, to suit his.
Finding a backbone, Nadia calls "bullsh*t" on the whole offer.
Which gave us hope she was seeing through his controlling ways and would take some of Today show Lisa Wilkinson's advice and "run, Nadia, run!"
But in a final, unexpected knife to the heart, it was Susan who would leave her cowboy hanging and Nadia who would scurry back to Anthony - surely proof misery does indeed like company.
We'd only just recovered from seeing Jesse, TV's equivalent of Bambi shot in mid proposal, as he asked Michelle to walk through the door (to his heart, or his parents' fruit shop, we're not sure).
It seemed it was only the show's heavily-invested viewers who could see Michelle had no interest in him from the start.
He joined single dad John - remember him? Great sense of humour, two clingy daughters but a sweet soul - who hit the Married scrap heap for the simple reason he wasn't Polynesian.
But if there's a silver lining to be taken from this season-ending heartbreak for single women everywhere it is this - there's bound to be some nice guys still out there.
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