‘No one wants Twilight star to play 007’
Robert Pattinson should stick to what he does best in movies: being a pale, kinda creepy, teen heart-throb.
That's why when Oscar-winning director Danny Boyle gushed to The Guardian the Twilight star and vampire darling should succeed Daniel Craig as the next James Bond, my pupils promptly recoiled into my skull.
"It was so bizarre because I was sitting there thinking, 'Oh my God, they should get him to be the next Bond'," the Yesterday filmmaker told the outlet.
The thought dawned on Boyle - who was briefly attached to the upcoming Bond film - while watching Pattinson's latest: a sci-fi flick called High Life directed by Claire Denis.
Maybe that's because Pattinson's face and body is persistently (and voyeuristically) explored by the camera throughout the drama - an almost essential requisite for starring the 33-year-old actor in your movie.
"High Life vibrates with low-key erotic energy that can feel exciting, a little dangerous … One reason is the obvious seductive appeal of performers like Pattinson," Manohla Dargis wrote in her New York Times review.
Dargis could easily be talking about Pattinson's breakout role as Edward Cullen, the milky, statuesque vampire he portrays in the blockbuster Twilight series.
She could also be describing his similarly one-note performances in David Cronenberg's Cosmopolis and Francis Lawrence's Water for Elephants. How much you wanna bet it will work for his performance as DC's Batman in the forthcoming 2021 Dark Knight reboot, too?
Point is, yes, the square-jawed actor is a strikingly handsome man who looks marvellous in a suit and can maintain a ridiculously stoic look. And yes, whether his skin is actually made of diamonds could still be up for debate.
But when it comes to possessing the finesse, elegance and pure, male-drenched sex appeal of 007s past like Sean Connery (1962-'83), Pierce Brosnan (1994-'04) and Daniel Craig (2005-now), Pattinson comes nowhere close.
Not to mention, pretty boy Pattinson is still too young to hit the 35-40 age range sweet spot for creator Ian Fleming's legendary secret agent.
Boyle, however, disagrees. "He's ready now," he stated.
I'm not the only one who thinks Boyle's vision for the Bond franchise is clearly off base: The British director was tapped to write the script for the latest Bond instalment with his Trainspotting collaborator John Hodge but was swiftly booted off the project.
"I was with John and they didn't really like what we were doing, and so it's far better to part company," he told the outlet. "What we were doing was good. But it was obviously not what they wanted."
Yes, Boyle, and obviously no one wants Pattinson to play 007, either.
This article originally appeared on The New York Post and was reproduced with permission