OPINION: Having kids and animals at same time is a bad idea
YANK IN OZ: TODAY we will be discussing why having kids and animals at the same time is a bad idea.
Sometimes I can repeat myself in these columns, so if I've talked about this before, please feel free to write to the editor and complain since you obviously have way too much free time and clearly a poor sense of literary taste if you're reading my drivel.
I know what you're thinking, "Lisa, your writing isn't drivel!" and while I agree whole heartedly with you, in order to be more likeable, I occasionally need to self-deprecate.
Anyway, you're probably also thinking, "Lisa, animals are so good for kids. They teach them responsibility, and love."
And to that I say, "Pffffthhhhhthhhthtttt." (That's the sound you make when you stick your tongue out and blow.)
And here's why I disagree; you can still teach your children responsibility and love with zero pets.
And maybe it's partly (as in 100 per cent) because I'm a single mum who works a lot and having even more living beings depending on me for their survival is too much.
Yeah, yeah, you can all shout at me how the kids should be the ones feeding and taking care of them, but the cat, my DAUGHTER'S cat, sleeps with me, because at the end of the day I'm the one that ends up feeding her.
The problem with my cat is, she eats exactly four kibbles, walks away and the dog eats the rest when we're not looking.
Then, exactly two minutes after the dog finishes it, she decides she's a bit peckish once again, only to find there is no food in the bowl, meows until she's fed again, eats four more kibbles, walks away and the whole process goes on a loop until mum loses her marbles and the dog starts farting because he's eaten all the rich cat food.
Between someone I don't want sleeping in my bed and all the farting, I feel like I'm married again.
And now that we've moved to a new place, the cat has decided she wants to explore outside, and lies in wait until someone opens the door slightly and then she rushes out.
When she wants back in, she launches herself at the screen door until we let her in.
Until of course the door opens two minutes later and she rushes right back out again.
I mean, my children can hear me opening a packet of Oreos under my blanket in my bedroom, but they can't hear a cat launching itself at the door 57 times in a row and let it in.
I reckon when my kids are grown and these pets have died off, I am not going to have any pets at all.
No dogs to walk, no litter boxes to clean... just me and all my money I'll save from no vet bills and not having to buy food.
Not to mention all that room on my big, empty bed…
Okay, maybe just a fish.