RECAP: The Bachelorette S2E1 - the battle of the bracelets
WE'RE all still reeling and grieving from last week's The Bachelor finale (NIKKI WE STILL LOVE YOU) but now we have something else to focus on.
Strap yourselves in, here comes the Bachelorette for 2016.
Her name is Georgia Love, and she's totally gorgeous. She's a bubbly, laid back kind of girl who has just quit her job (hmmmm, not sure if that's the best decision) as a journalist at WIN TV in Tasmania so she can find THE ONE.
She says she loves her job and has worked so hard for it, but at the end of the day she just wants someone to come home to to share it all with.
"Your career isn't going to hug you at night."
Well, that's certainly true.
We meet her family and turns out she's inspired by the love her family have for each other. She wants a love that her parents have. Awwww.
Now it's only been a few minutes but girl, I already want you to find that Mr Right.
Her sick mum and loving dad are both supporting and her dad says he just wants her to find someone who will put her as "number one".
Aw, best dad ever.
Okay, here we go.
First off the bat is Cameron the firefighter from Perth.
He wants to meet someone, get married and have kids. No pressure or anything.
He believes in fairy tales (wow, do guys seriously do that? I know mine doesn't) So they've met, all going well. He tells her he's a firefighter and she asks about calendars, as you do. Well, they are pretty great calendars.
Ohhh, he actually is in a calendar.
Mr May. Alright, that's who he is from now on. Mr May.
Next is Jake from the Gold Coast.
He's nervous and talks about his pinky ring. It's okay though, he's tight with his family and they all have matching rings with their initials.
The music gets dramatic.Okay, now we're talking.
Rhys is a model. And all he talks about is being a model.
He's not a bad looking chap (yes, appealing to my love of Clark Kent) but all he is talking about is modelling.
Then he says something in another language, thinking he's being smart and impressive.
But she can kind of understand and realises he's not saying anything of importance.
SNAP. He wasn't expecting that. Not as smooth as he was hoping. But hilarious none the less.
Courtney is up next; he's an industrial designer. Wearing a blue suit. Looks like a cool dude, I like him already. Ohhh, he's telling a cute little story from Year 2!
When he was in Year 2, it was the first time he realised he had feelings for a girl and so made her a bracelet out of pasta in craft class.
Ohhhh, so he made her the same! That's sooooooo adorable. Very romantic.
Aew more guys arrive, who apparently aren't memorable enough for their in-depth conversation to get air time.
Now here's some more music. It's got to get dramatic again.
OH MY GOD HE'S GOT A TIFFANY'S BOX.
Carlos is a business mogul, who is also a stripper on weekends - a fact he seems very proud of.
So now they've met - BUT HE'S NOT LETTING HER OPEN THE TIFFANY BOX. Dude, don't you know if you're going to give a girl Tiffany's you let her open it?
So it's a bracelet. It's pretty.
Oh and now he's stripping. But it's only the jacket, that's okay. good, it's all I can handle right now.
So we've got pasta and Tiffany's. What's next? Bring it on.
OH MY GOD IT'S A HORSE.
No, wait, it's actually a donkey. THE DUDE BROUGHT HER A DONKEY?
Now they're joking about dad jokes because he made one about the donkey.
As first impressions go, this isn't bad.
"Does my ass look big in that?" HAHAHA. Oh and now they're trading dad jokes, and he's given her his jacket. She says she's got jitters. He says he's got butterflies. Cute.
Some more dudes who aren't quite so memorable arrive. Now here's Ben. Ben is a miner who likes huskies and cars.
He's got a nose ring, and it's kind of bugging me.
Oh now he's talking about poo. WHAT. Yes, my boyfriend who is watching with me reminds me that's a thing guys do. But don't they do it with each other and not girls?
Oh, well at least he's being honest I guess? Three nervous poos. Now he's going to be the poo guy. Haha. Poor dude.
Clancy is up next. Apparently he was an accident and his parents wanted to punish him, so they called him Clancy. He's brought a shaver with him so if Georgia is anti-beard she can shave it off herself.
That could be fun. That beard is so coming off later.
Here's some dramatic music again for Sam, who is from Sydney. He's intimidated by girls who don't need a man, but is attracted to them too.
He keeps staring at himself and says a girl has to be special to capture his attention for more than a week.
Oh god, he's one of those guys. GEORGIA DON'T FALL FOR HIS TRICKS. I CAN SEE YOU'RE AREADY BETTER THAN THIS.
So he fires off some deal-breaker questions.
Cats or dogs? She has cats. He doesn't like that.
Pineapple on pizza? She says no. He doesn't like that either.
Soccer or rugby? She says soccer. He doesn't like that either.
Lastly, tomato sauce. Keep it in the fridge or the pantry?
She says pantry. And she's wrong again.
God, I don't like him. He's all like "girls usually agree with me - I'm so baffled". URGH.
He says he's intrigued. He doesn't know what planet she's from but he wants to go there. Lord, help us.
THE BEER PARTY
Okay, here we are at the beer party at last. All of the bachelors are meeting for the first time and sizing each other up. Giving each other nicknames, and touching each other's butts too apparently (yes I saw that Ben).
Oh, there goes Carlos big noting himself. He drops the fact he bought her Tiffany's (I still want my own blue box) and then Cameron speaks up about his pasta bracelet. Cue laughs from Carlos.
But, really, which one was more romantic and genuine? I think we all know the answer to that one.
They keep talking about the presents they brought Georgia and boys who didn't bring presents are jealous, like Sam.
Sam says presents "aren't going to help you" and that "nothing will help you except being cool". URGH. Can he leave already please? I've had enough.
The donkey bombshell finally gets dropped and some of the dudes are impressed. Well, why wouldn't they be? It's a blooming donkey!
Ohhh, there's the first bromance of the show - Rhys and Aaron can't stop talking to each other.
Now Osher's back and the game faces are on. He welcomes them and tells them they're not secure until they get a rose, and then reveals this seasons "get away with whatever you want" rose.
It's a first impression rose and it's orange. Georgia will give it to the man who she thinks made the most meaningful first impression.
Carlos thinks the Tiffany's bracelet has won it for him. She's probably not as materialistic as me so I'm gonna make a prediction and say it's not gonna be him.
But it also comes with the golden date card. Ohhhh, fancy. Osher explains the dude who gets it has control over a whole week's worth of dates. He can go on a single date with Georgia and a group date and gets to choose who goes with him. Hmmm, that will be interesting.
Now, Georiga is back again and oh, bless her soul, she trips on the way in. And Osher is the only one to help her. Good on you Osher.
She thanks everyone for being there and makes a toast. Now the real beer party starts.
Who gets alone time first? Oh, it's Jake. He's got her whisky. Good memory there Jake.
They talk about family. And she jumps right in when he asks her about her parents and mentions her father specialises in erectile dysfunction.
Oh, I love her. She's the best. That's great. I want to be her best friend already.
Okay, this is kind of boring. No one wants to interrupt, but they have to, otherwise this is going to go nowhere.
But then they start and it works out. Now it's like a speed date - two minutes each.
Rhys is up. The boys give him a prep talk and he walks over to Georgia and Aaron.
He sits down and then - would you believe it - starts talking to his new BFF.
They just keep on talking, and talking. Poor Georgia, she's feeling like a third wheel. Hell, she IS a third wheel.
So she gets sick of it and wants out quick smart. So brings them back to the cocktail party. Good girl. Then she steals the firefighter away.
I would too, good choice.
Then they start talking about Disney, which he thinks isn't appropriate for a first date.
HE IS TOTALLY WRONG. DISNEY IS TOTALLY APPROPRIATE.
So they talk about their favourite Disney movies - The Lion King and Aladdin. Good choices there guys.
Back to the beer party and the dudes are all in a line. It's a dude queue. So naturally Sam doesn't like it and strolls right past it and goes straight in.
He wants time to show off his personality, not that he's got one.
So they talk about the question thing and he wants to work past the ketchup incident.
He's worked out you can order two pizzas - GENIUS - one without pineapple and one with.
Oh no now she doesn't like coriander.
Now she's asking the questions - ohhh, that's a tough one: doonah by itself or doonah with a top sheet?
His answer? Doonah by itself. Buhhhh bummmmm. Wrong answer buddy.
Now it's Steve Carrell or Jim Carrey - one they finally agree on. Good work.
The dudes are bored so they do some yoga. Well, Rhys does some yoga. Sam doesn't like it; he's not impressed. Well, he's not impressed with anything to be honest.
Georgia walks in and is surprised by the yoga. But it doesn't pay off for poor Rhys. Sorry Rhys.
She steals Courtney away instead. Good choice; he's a good egg. She wants to know more about him and they chat.
Meanwhile, Carlos talks more stripping. But he soon gets some alone time with the lady of the hour and she asks him why he bought her Tiffany's.
He just says he likes the finer things in life, like Tiffany's is just something that normal people give each other all the time.
Ohhh, finally it's happening - the beard shaving!
She grabs the razor and just goes for it. Excellent. She's doing pretty well actually; my boyfriend would never trust me with such an important grooming feat.
She gives up and lets him finish the job inside the mansion. Wow, damn, he looks pretty good underneath all that beard. HELLO CLANCY.
She loves it too. Excellent.
Georgia steals Courtney away again and the dudes are jealous. She leads him to the couch and then goes over to the roses - ohhhhh the orange rose is being gifted right now! Yassss, good pick missy.
She says they clicked from the moment they met on the red carpet. Aww, how sweet. He's my pick too girl. Orange looks good with that blue.
They're all lined up, nervously awaiting their red roses.
Osher explains the rules and reminds Courtney about his golden date card privileges.
So she's got 13 roses left to give. Let's see who makes the cut. Two are leaving tonight.
Lee's safe. So is Mr May. YAASSSS. Clancy and his new face too. Jake makes the cut and so do a whole bunch of unmemorable guys.
Sam and Rhys are sweating it out and getting nervous.
Rhys's BFF Aaron is safe and Rhys is jealous, but Rhysly also eventual makes the cut. Now we don't have to hear him whinge anymore.
Sam is saved and Carlos and dude who I don't know are sent home.
Osher returns to tell them to get the hell out of dodge. But first he lets them say goodbye.
Carlos isn't that heartbroken though, he'll just go back to work at his nightclub. He'll be fine.