These are the things no one tells you before you have a child.
These are the things no one tells you before you have a child. EvgeniiAnd

The disturbing parenting facts no one talks about

THERE are some things that everyone tells you about babies. They're demanding, loud, screaming nappy-fillers. So what about what they don't tell you?

As it turns out, babies are more than just needy mini-humans, but it often isn't until you meet your first one that you figure it out. So, here are some things that we bet you didn't know about kids, before you had one.

Your child is a cone-head

When you're pregnant, you'll probably have a picture of your adorable bundle of joy, but be warned that your child is unlikely to look like that from the start. In fact, your baby may look more like a cone-head at first than Dan Aykroyd himself. Why? Well it turns out that you're a little to blame for that. During birth the baby can spend a significant amount of time lodged in the pelvis. While it's there, openings in the skull allow it to change its shape to fit into the birth canal, leaving the head a little pointier than you imagined.

Babies are jumpy as hell

After a lifetime in the womb, for your baby anyway, it can be pretty crazy to suddenly have so much space in which to move around. So crazy in fact, that it takes a little bit of getting used to. While your baby is adjusting to the wide open nature of their new existence, they can be a little jumpy. This jumpiness manifests in jerky arm and leg movements, quivering legs and arms, and a pretty crazy startle reflex. The startle reflex always gets parental attention, because your baby will throw out their arms, open their hands and draw their head back, as if preparing for a big drop.

Baby periods are a thing

When babies are born, there's quite a large amount of their mother's hormones coursing through their bodies. In girls, it generally causes swelling of the labia, but it can also cause a bloody discharge similar to a tiny newborn period. These mini periods generally only last a few days, so don't be concerned if you see a smudge of blood or darker urine. However, if it's bright red, talk to your doctor.

Boys have big 'bits'

The same maternal hormones that cause your daughter to have her first mini period can also cause something not-so-mini to happen to your son. While your husband might be quick to take the credit for your son's oversized genitals, the swelling is actually thanks to you.

Babies can have cold extremities

One thing you might notice in the early days of your child's life is that their hands and feet feel cold. However, before you pile on more blankets or get the baby heater out, check their torso. If it's warm and pink, your baby probably isn't cold.

FULL LIST: Emerald Magistrates Court appearances today

Premium Content FULL LIST: Emerald Magistrates Court appearances today

Here is a list of matters listed at Emerald Magistrates Court on Thursday.

True cost of an education in Qld revealed

Premium Content True cost of an education in Qld revealed

Private, public, independent: Full breakdown of Aus education costs

Patient zero to heroes: Our first year of COVID-19

Premium Content Patient zero to heroes: Our first year of COVID-19

Coronavirus Qld: One year on from start of pandemic