Truth about Ines and Sam’s ‘fake’ affair
IF YOU believed the breathless promos leading up to the affair between MAFS miscreants Ines and Sam, you'd be forgiven for thinking you were going to witness a real-life Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling movie.
You know - goofy musical montages to illustrate their growing affection, sizzling sex scenes and moments of torment as they try, and fail, to resist their forbidden love.
Instead, we meet them in a grubby Gold Coast bar where they say stupid things about olives.
Later, we join them in Sam's bed, lying lifelessly in each other's arms like two broken puppets in the bottom of a toy box.
Ines, grinning coldly, treats us to a series of wooden double entendres. "The cuddles were big!" she says, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. "The mountains are so nice!" she adds, winking her icy blue eyes. "I've just been strapped to his leg all night!" she finishes, chuckling mirthlessly at her own wordplay.
I've had sexier exchanges on the phone to Telstra tech support.
So, what's going on? Why does it all feel so fake? Is the whole thing scripted by the producers for ratings as per the popular retort in social media comments sections?
Well, no. A source close to the Married At First Sight production team tells me Ines and Sam's affair - like everything else on the show - happened organically, as improbable as that sounds.
"Sure, some scenes are 'produced' but they got together on their own," she tells me. "They're not scripted, and they're not actors. Editing is used to maximise the entertainment, but the core story is what happened."
Why then, are we watching Ines and Sam lurch their way into a coupling that has all the passion and sexiness of a used bandaid? There's clearly no chemistry, so what could either of them possibly hope to gain?
The relationship between last year's love rats Dean Wells and Davina Rankin was infinitely steamier, and a) they never even kissed, and b) Davina was at least 87 per cent silicon.
The answer lies with Ines.
Let's cast our minds back to her wedding day to Bronson. Before she walked down the aisle, her face contorted with sour disappointment, Ines was asked how she was feeling.
"Horny," came her jarring reply.
And that right there is the number one clue about why we're being forced to endure this lifeless "affair" between Ines and Sam.
For whatever reason, the cold-blooded barracuda that is Ines Basic arrived for her first day as a contestant on season six of Married At First Sight Australia 2019 determined to shock.
She wanted to rock boats, both figuratively and literally, as a result of her hysterical, sweary meltdown on her honeymoon.
She wanted to have sex on camera - or at least give viewers the strong impression that she did.
She wanted to seduce and scheme and steal husbands and cause as much suffering as possible.
It explains her brutality to Bronson, her nasty (albeit occasionally funny - Lizzie does look like a cockatoo) asides and all the rest of her relentless unpleasantness.
Perhaps she knows the baddie always gets the most camera time, and she wants to maximise her infamy after the show ends.
Or perhaps she has one of the personality types usually reserved for people held in maximum security prison. I'm thinking a little of column A, a little of column B.
Sam, on the other hand, is just there for the ride. Perhaps he realises now that he was little more than an unwitting puppet in her weird game, but it probably doesn't worry him much. He was clearly happy to get his leg over, even if he risked waking up in the middle of the night with Ines looming threateningly over him and making those feeble coughing noises that turn out to be Martian for "I want to gnaw off your limbs".
Admit it, that scenario checks out.
Look, that's about as far as my Married At First Sight psychoanalysis skills - masterful though they are - are going to take us on this one I'm afraid.
The affair is real. It was all engineered by Ines.
But the truth of what goes on behind those alien blue eyes, glowing with their otherworldly bioluminescence, is anyone's guess.